New Olympics fake scandal: The 9-year-old who 'sang' at Opening (telegraph.co.uk)--Voice traced to hundred year old eunuch who's been training for the Beijing Olympics since the Last Empress snipped his wontons off.


Pelosi indicates openness to offshore drilling vote (Bloomberg)--Jellyfish Pelosi wins 30 pieces of silver in backstroke competition.


Children wrap Calif. boy in toilet paper and set him on fire (Yahoo News)--Generation 'B,' America's youth who've grown up under Bush. They were planning to flush him down the toilet but he wouldn't fit so they had to make a decision.