Karzai sworn in as Afghan leader; vows to fight graft (AP)—What he really meant to say is, he vows to fight “giraffes.” Naturally, we believe him.

Scientists growing meat without animals (LiveScience.com)—What’s the world coming to? That’s like growing toast without wheat.

Plane misses runway in east Congo, landing in lava (AP)—That’s what we call luck. If they’d landed a few hundred million years earlier, the volcano would still have been active.