Pelosi’s Congressional Makeover: Cafeteria Cuisine Goes Gourmet (Politico)--That’s one thing that’s not off the table for her. Her next improvement: Waterboarding with Perrier.


Chertoff says Europe poses terrorism threat (Reuters)--That’s why, as announced, Americans will soon need passports to travel domestically. After that, AdT predicts, U.S. borders will be sealed and citizens will need visas to leave the country—for their own protection. Next boom industry: Coyotes to get dissident Americans across border into Mexico.


FDA: Cloned Food Safe To Eat (AP)--Great news! Our clone will be sure to give it the taste-test.